“I couldn’t go back to him;” or, ahoy, shallow men and ladies! (All Romance, Vol 1)

Gentle readers, there is a veritable treasure trove on the Internet of which you may or may not be aware. It’s called Comic Book Plus, a wealth of Golden and Silver Age comics, as well as other public domain ephemera, all free to read and download. I found this website a long time ago, when I discovered those few issues of Calling All Girls, but for some reason, never went back.

Even though there are some fabulous prizes, such as All Romance, which was published by Ace Comics in 1949-1950! Exciting romance stories for the young teenage girl, that are totally shallow and show women (and men) to bad advantage!

Here is the first story in Volume 1, called “I Couldn’t Go Back to Him.” No, no, I just couldn’t!

Faye tells us her story – she went to visit a school friend and met the dashing Michael, and, after a whirlwind courtship, they became engaged, and Michael bought them a little house.

AR pg 3

Before she leaves, she talks to her friend, Gloria, and discovers that Gloria and Michael used to date. But Michael swears he only has eyes for Faye now, because she is so beautiful. You’re a trophy, Faye! Michael can’t wait to mount you on the wall.

Of course, tragedy must strike, or there isn’t a story. On the train, there is a terrible crash, and Faye is flung into a mirror which cuts her face, making her a candidate for plastic surgery.

AR pg 4

In fact, the news report said that she was dead, and that’s fine – she cannot be loved anymore . . . *sob*

The doctor takes pity on her and offers her a job with him as his receptionist, and a place to live with him and his sister. Faye keeps herself busy, but Molly, the doctor’s sister, think it’s not “normal” for Faye to stay in and not date. Don’t think about turning lesbian, Faye; Molly has her eye on you.

Finally, the doctor forces her to look at herself in the mirror – frankly, I think she looks better now than pre-surgery, but whatever. She realizes she COULD go back to Michael, and this cause the doctor to sigh and turn away. Faye knows that the doctor is in love with her, but who cares about that?

AR pg 6

But, alas, it’s not to be. She is surprised that Michael doesn’t recognize her – duh, you had plastic surgery! – but, also, Gloria is there with him now! She tells Michael that she is not, in fact, dead, and he kisses her . . . but she feels nothing. NOTHING! Gasp!

This upsets Gloria, of course, as they were to be married the very next day, and here comes that hussy Faye again to ruin everything! But she doesn’t want it, even though she thought about the house the whole time she was away.

“When I marry, Michael, it will be a man I marry, not a house!” I sure hope so, lady, as there are laws about that sort of thing.

She realizes that the only person in the world who truly loves her is the good doctor, who saw her at her worst and still cared. She runs back to him, but ruh roh, his sister Molly is PISSED. And rightly so, because this bitch can’t seem to make up her mind.

Thankfully, the doctor comes back in right then, and they share a passionate embrace.

AR pg 9

I dunno, Doctor, I would watch out for her. She seems kind of fickle, JUST LIKE MICHAEL.

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