Monthly Archives: August 2013

Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen. The Greys celebrate Ray’s improvement with a long, drawn-out sex scene. Of course. And then Ana tries to make him see that she wuvs him so much. And then they fuck again.

The detective comes to ask Ana about Jack, who claims that she made sexual advances towards him. This pisses Grey off. And then Ana’s gyno informs us that Ana has missed four appointments for her birth control shot. Dr. Greene gives her a pregnancy test, which turns blue, of course. Foreshadowing waves from the corner and disappears in a puff of smoke.

So, Ana is pregnant with a vampire baby – wait, wrong book. Sorry.

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen. It’s Ana’s birthday; she gets an expensive charm bracelet from Grey. Oh, and

Of course, because she mentioned it before, you see. Ugh. Her mother forgot her birthday, though. So, the Greys banter, as you do when you’re two fucking annoying paper people in the third book of something that has no place being a trilogy.

Christian takes her downstairs at the hotel for a surprise party. Ana cries, and wishes for her dad to get better. The sex is only implied, so we’re spared . . . this time. And Ray awakes from his coma. Whoopdeedoo. Can we go now

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen. Ana cries, not just about her dad, but that her gorgeous, hot, sexy husband actually has business to attend to, today of all days, and can’t be with her immediately. José and his dad are at the hospital. José fills her in and hugs her, even gives her his jacket. He holds her hand until Grey arrives. He doesn’t like that, nor the jacket. She was supposed to warm herself with carnal thoughts, I presume. Grey also feels the need to correct the doctor on Ana’s name; buddy, pick your battles.

 

Ray is in a medically-induced coma. Ana talks to him, then they go stay at The Heathman, which is where Grey stationed himself in the first book when he was stalking her. Grey gets his mom (who’s a doctor, remember) to consult on Ray’s case. Surprisingly, they don’t screw; I guess Christian has some boundaries, after all. He’s still on about the food thing, though, so I guess some things never change . . .

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen. One of Ana’s personal security advises against meeting with Leila, but finally relents to a search of both visitors and staying in the room during the meeting. Ana emails Grey to tell him what she’s going. Grey calls her, and she ignores it. Leila is with a girl named Susi, presumably another of Grey’s ex-subs. Grey calls the security detail to yell at Ana. Leila came to apologize for her behavior, and is grateful no charges were filed. She wants to see Christian, and came for Ana’s permission. Because he won’t see her. And Grey is paying for her schooling. How altruistic of him.

Here comes Master now!

He fires the bodyguard, and won’t hear Ana’s defense. He threatens to cut Leila off financially if she comes around again. Ana sees the bullying side of Grey once again, and wonders if he was like that all the time. When Leila is gone, Ana bitches at him. They argue; it’s the same shit about his past, blah dee blah. And then he distracts her with thoughts of sex. And then they have sex. I hate these two so, so much.

They banter over email. Then José’s dad calls her to tell her that her stepdad, Ray, is in the hospital. Is he going to die? Can’t you kill off someone else?

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen. Stupid sex scene with idiotic banter about him liking some resistance in the bedroom. Then they go back to Seattle. Ana marvels at how relaxed Grey was in Aspen, with family. Maybe that’s what he needs, more family, Ana thinks. Foreshadowing puts a frozen waffle in the toaster.

 

More idiotic emails at work, where neither of them ever seem to do anything else. Days of emails this time, to show the passage of “sexy times.” They just make me gag, but at least it’s brief. Then Leila (Casperella) pays a visit to her at the office. What other shit are you going to throw in this potboiler?

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen. Kate says yes. Ana thinks maybe that’s why Elliot was with Gia the architect, and is glad she didn’t say anything to Kate. Grey banters with her under his breath. They drink champagne, then go to a nightclub. Ana drinks more. Grey is not amused. Some guy gropes Ana on the dance floor, and she smacks his face. And then Grey comes in and punches him. The Greys dance, and even this is nauseating. Grey takes drunken, stupid Ana home and puts her to bed, and actually lets her sleep. Progress, she thinks, but about Christian and his ways. That’s not what I was thinking. I was thinking, We’re just beyond the halfway point?!

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen. Mountain Greyskull is big and ritzy. Ana cries. The girls go shopping, and the boys go fishing. Ana sees Elliot with Gia, the architect. She deliberates over whether she should tell Kate. You’re SUCH a good friend, Ana.

Elliot tries to get her to ride a trail bike, but The Master would not approve.

And here comes The Master now, for more sickening banter! And then sex! And then a bath.

They all go out, Ana in a very revealing dress. Elliot proposes to Kate, in front of a restaurant full of people. What will she say? I don’t care.

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