Monthly Archives: July 2013

Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven. Grey’s jeans hang from his hips. Wow, that’s hot. Men usually wear jeans hanging from their noses or ankles. He’s distracting her with his body. Yawn, this game again? He’s overreacting, she went back on her word, blah blah blah. Grey doesn’t know what to do with all these . . . FEELS. He wants to hurt her, but yet, he doesn’t. Ana doesn’t believe that he would. I do! People that sadistic wouldn’t magically change, seemingly overnight. I’m also very tired of her “oh, my Fifty” exclamations to herself.

Grey won’t tell her about Jack. He distracts her with promises of sex, and then food. Which turns into more erotic bullshit. Lamb, and hummus with pita, and dolmas. Heavy food, right? Yeah, and immediately after he takes her to the playroom? NO, I don’t think so. That’s a Vomit Comet waiting to happen. He puts her on the St. Andrews cross and punishes her by bringing her to the brink multiple times and then not letting her have release. And she feels tortured, and starts crying and uses the safeword.

Grey feels sorry and Ana reminds him that she’s not his submissive, so she shouldn’t be treated like one. And she never promised to obey, either. So they’re okay again, I guess. Ana talked to Grey’s mom about Elena (Mrs. Robinson), apparently. Ana manages to eke info about Jack out of Grey. He had stuff in a van in the parking garage, obviously for sordid purposes. Like kidnapping. Grey and his investigative team think Detroit is the connection; that’s where Grey was born. Ana doesn’t know this kind of simple shit about her husband? I bet she could average the length of his peen, though!

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten. Jack had a gun with a silencer and duct tape in his pocket. They handcuff him with cable ties, Ana’s idea. Ana is oh-so-tired and what a mess this all is! But maybe he won’t be so mad that she was out of the apartment now!

When she wakes, Christian is back and still very, very angry. “I want to punish you . . . really beat the shit out of you.” But that’s totally not abusive at all, at all. She tries to play his game, that is, use sex as a distraction. It’s not effective! Ana doesn’t realize that Jack intended on kidnapping her. She’s not allowed in Grey’s study. But then he’s surprised she’s still going to work.

They email each other about police statements and then Ana wants to know what time Grey flew back, whether it was because of Jack or because of her going for drinks. She sends a bitchy email that basically reads, “You never tell me anything. I’m your wife; don’t you trust me? OMG!!!111” He replies that they’ll discuss it later.

She arrives home and he’s in his playroom jeans. I inwardly groan, because I think more “punishment” is afoot.

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Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine. The gun Ana found was Leila’s (Casperella). Grey doesn’t know anything about guns, and doesn’t want to learn. Casperella is doing better; Ana is irrationally jealous when her name is mentioned. At work, they banter over email. It’s nauseating.

Grey goes to New York on business. Co-Dependent Ana misses him sooo much. Don’t worry, that’s what email is for! And annoying telephone banter. Grey doesn’t want her to go out with Kate, and makes her promise to stay in. Of course, Kate talks her into one cocktail at the bar. Kate tells Ana that all of the Greys have additional security. Ana has a second drink. Foreshadowing sits in the corner, playing a game on a mobile phone while nursing a beer. Kate and Ana gossip. Ana has four drinks. When they drop Kate off, Dirpy Ana finally checks her phone. Grey has called her five times, and sent her an email. He is beyond angry.

When security detail drives her back to Castle Greyskull, they find it trashed and Jack, Ana’s old sleazy boss, is inside. Maybe that’s how Grey wanted you gone? Now THAT would be an ending!

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