Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapters Seventeen and Eighteen.

Chapter Seventeen. They wake up, and do it, of course. She gets to drive her car. I love how that’s such a big deal. Ugh. They’re meeting Dr. Flynn, Medicine Man, later. Grey wants to know the answer to his question (marriage – although, it wasn’t really a question, was it? More like a command). Ana will be filling Jack’s (her skeezy boss) position until they find a replacement; this book really IS a fantasy. Apparently, Grey had nothing to do with it. Yeah, right. She hooks Ethan and Mia up for a lunch date. Which, if they get together, is kind of creepy, considering Kate is still dating Elliott (Grey’s brother). Anyone up for an incest-fest?

They meet with Dr. Flynn. Somehow, the doc didn’t know about the Non-Disclosure Agreement? It’s not good to lie to your shrink, Christian. Ana would feel more comfortable talking to Flynn alone. That doesn’t sit well with Grey, of course. Flynn and Ana converse; Flynn says Ana has made more progress with Grey than he has. Obviously, Dr. Flynn needs to perfect his fellatio techniques. Or something. Grey is a self-loather, but his coping mechanism, his “sadism,” is no longer needed. Just like that? With one stroke, E.L. James has turned the psychological world on its ear. Grey never left the adolescent stage, really. And then Ana tells the doctor that she doesn’t think Grey’d want her if he wasn’t “broken.” Well, it just means you’re made for each other.
She gets a call from José, which Grey doesn’t like, and he won’t let her drive her own car again. Until she presses. And then they argue about how she drives. Fuck you both. They talk about what Flynn said. And he has some surprise for her again. What now?? Please, be a merciful death. Please.

Chapter Eighteen. They pull up in front of some snazzy estate. He asks her to keep an open mind. He takes her out back to the see the spectacular view, and asks her if she’d like to look at it all the time. He wants to buy the house and demolish it to rebuild one for their future together. Ana wants the tour of this one, though. And he’s going to buy it. Whoop-dee-do.

They go to his club to celebrate, aptly named “The Mile High Club.” He tells her to go take off her underwear. It’s basically to tease her by not touching her. He tells her to tear up the NDA. He makes her finish her meal before he’ll take them home and really “celebrate.” Thankfully, we’re spared her fellating an asparagus spear or whatever the hell she did last time. He keeps her in the back of the elevator and lets his fingers do the walking while people stand in front of them. Then they go home and have sex on the foyer table. And then in his bed, but it’s only alluded to, thankfully.

They wake up and Christian goes to work. Ana goes rifling through drawers again and finds a box full of photos from the playroom. Mrs. Jones has a key to that room. I guess so she can clean in there. That must be disconcerting. Anyway, they banter stupidly over email. Until she alludes to a birthday surprise. Then he stops replying. Kate is finally back. José and Ana go for drinks. Kate and her brother join them. Ana hasn’t heard from Grey. Kate gets a call from Elliott (Grey’s bro) and passes the phone to Ana; he tells her Grey has not returned from Portland. The helicopter is missing. Oh, if only it were that easy.

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