Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Chapter Eleven. Ana’s “misdemeanors” are making him jealous, arguing with him about working, and flashing her ass at him the entire game. His implement this time is a ruler. No safe words, but she needs to tell him to stop if she can’t take it. He makes her continue to play, half-naked, whilst he gives her smacks with his hand. After she misses the shot a third time, he leans her over the table and cracks her across the ass with the ruler multiple times. I don’t think I can roll my eyes further into my head at the ridiculousness of this whole thing. She finally tells him to stop and then he rides her, hard, over the table. Then they take a bath, and she asks him if Sawyer, the bodyguard, can just drop her off at work and then pick her up. She promises to bring a lunch so she won’t go out.

She wakes up and Mrs. Jones has made breakfast, and will make Ana a lunch, too. Can I have some of that, too, please? It’s so easy to make one of your main characters rich. I know, it’s “fantasy,” but I still like a dose of reality every now and again.

At work, she has an email from Grey, telling her he had a great weekend and to remember that the news he bought the company is embargoed for a month. “Delete this email as soon as you’ve read it.” Wait, you’re the one who told her there’s probably a copy stashed somewhere. Anyway, she replies and then actually has to work. Her boss wants her to go with him to New York, for some symposium. The ultimate come-on line: “I think you’ll find it a very educational experience.” Yes, in being roofied and probably assaulted.

Grey wants her to move in with him. More emails. He doesn’t want her going to the conference. They argue back and forth. She gets an email from Elena, asking her to lunch. Grey calls her and tells her to be more “circumspect” in her work email. Here’s an idea – and I know it’s a little unorthodox – DON’T CONDUCT ANY OF YOUR PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS OVER WORK EMAIL. BOTH of them are being incredibly stupid.

But wait, it gets stupider. She calls him and tells him she’s going to NY, then hangs up on him. Ana’s boss comes over and tells her not to book the flight, as now, suddenly, all travel expenses have to be approved by upper management. All of the emails have been wiped from the servers. Grey says he doesn’t trust her boss. Ana says she can fight him off; Grey knows she is incapable – I guess she forgot how he rescued her from José’s clutches – and mentions her boss is a “serial philanderer.” Ana forwards Elena’s email to Grey, as well.

Ana’s boss is angry that New York is not an option for her, according to sudden new rules from management. And then he asks Ana to go get him some lunch. She goes out and returns unscathed, singing Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me.” Ana’s boss needs her to work late; she decides not to tell Grey until later, so he can’t interfere. Grey calls her and the watching was apparently at his insistence. She tells him he’s suffocating her.

Ana works late with her boss. He disrespects boundaries and starts getting all CreepyTouch on her. He offers to buy her a drink. He talks about her boyfriend; when she tells him who it is, he gets very stiff and walks away.

Grey picks her up and they stop the elevator between floors and do it. I’m sure there are security cameras, fools. Then they eat. Ana tells him about her boss, and Grey wants to fire him. She replies that she needs to fight her own battles. He can’t control everything. If he can learn to “let go,” she’ll move in. He says he’ll try, but her boss is a sleaze, and all of his assistants don’t last very long. But he wuvs her, and doesn’t want anything to happen to her. Unless he does it himself.

And then Elena comes a-visiting. God bless you, please, Mrs. Robinson. Go away now.

Chapter Twelve. Grey claims that he told her (Elena), once again, to butt out. But she’s here to see him about a problem she’s been having. Apparently, blackmail. They mention some people it could be. Ana leaves. After, she overhears Elena telling him he looks happy and deserves it. He’s negative. Ana knows him better than anyone, and there are no games. Elena tells Grey to make Ana understand about their old relationship. He doesn’t want to sully what they have now. Blah blah.

When he comes back to her, Ana asks about her and what they had together. But he doesn’t want to talk about the past. Worlds are colliding! She admits to eavesdropping. A long time ago, in a kingdom far away, he thought he loved Elena. Elena made him go to Georgia that time to see Ana, too.

Anyway, he wants her to let him know if she’s going out of the office. She points out he could have told her she was being watched. And he says he has to work and leaves her. This makes her ponder whether she should move in. They don’t know each other well enough. Ya think? The actual timeline has been five weeks from the start of Book One. Yeah, I’d say you’re rushing it.

She puts on a nightie and heads to the library for a book. She falls asleep over it, and Grey puts her to bed. She awakens to him playing the piano. In the dark. Did you cry just a little? And then they mack ON the piano. Is nothing sacred in this book?

In the morning, she asks about his nightmares, and happy childhood memories, in an attempt to get to know him. He suggests a different way, suggestively. And it’s implied that they did it again. And then the banter over breakfast is nauseating.

Ana’s boss is short with her, then inappropriately calls her “honey.” Grey and Ana banter over email, but on the Blackberry this time. She has Sawyer, the bodyguard, accompany her to the deli to get her boss lunch. She hears from Kate’s bro, and then banters more with Grey. Do some fucking work already!

Grey picks her up, and they head to her old apartment. She goes alone, as Grey is distracted by a call, and who should she find inside but Leila (Casperella), who has a gun pointed right at her? Dun-dun-DUN!


1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapters Eleven and Twelve

  1. “Do some fucking work already!”

    The only work these people seem to do is fucking work.

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