Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Five

Chapter Five. Ana confirms with the receptionist that it is Elena (Mrs. Robinson). She’s co-owner of the salon. Ana watches them talk, which makes her angrier. She tells Grey she wants to leave. He took all of his subs there, so Mrs. R has met all of them. But Ana is the only one who knows who Mrs. R really is. He does manage to see how fucked-up this is, so perhaps there is hope for him yet? He thinks she’s running away, but she just wants a haircut without baggage.

Grey gets a phone call. He says a bunch of mysterious things. Casperella left her husband and was with a guy who was recently killed in a car crash. So, grief is probably why she’s gone crazy. Anyway, he tries to change the subject and Ana wants to talk about Mrs. Robinson. Grey says they can, back at his place. Nope, that’s code for “fuck you until you forget.” She still wants a haircut, so Grey decides to have the stylist come to his place. He claims it’s to keep her safe from Casperella, and if she won’t come willingly, he will drag her. HOW is this sexy or fun? She taunts him, and that makes him throw her over his shoulder, and give her a swat on the ass. In the MIDDLE OF THE STREET, no less! Our house, it has a paddle.

Ana is angry about many things: the fireman’s carry, his stupidity about choice of salon, his crazy exes, his knowing her bank account number, and making her stay with him. I thought you wanted the latter, though!! She thinks something’s changed with Casperella. She gets Grey to spill that Casperella has a concealed weapons permit. Ana helpfully points out, “That means she can just buy a gun.” Yes, indeed, instead of tap-dancing or whoring for it, she can just fork over cash and buy one. Also, a “concealed weapons permit” gives you license to carry, not necessarily buy one guaranteed. I know E.L. FudgeJames is not from the States, and laws are different in the UK, but Google is available worldwide, as is Wikipedia.
Grey is not happy about Kate’s brother living with her and Kate. As expected. He insists on driving her car. All of his subs have been brunettes, by the way. In case you care. He’s a silent partner in Mrs. Robinson’s salon business; he owed her, as she lent him the money to start his business. He’s a Harvard dropout. It was her husband’s money they were playing with, as well as each other.

Grey makes some calls, and Ana goes for a peek in her closet. The clothes still have price tags; one dress is nearly three grand. Where did you think he shopped, Target? She calls her mom, to ask for advice, I guess, but her mother is all about herself and her own man problems. Ana doesn’t understand why Grey’d pick her over another submissive. Supposedly, the control gets old quickly and she’s different, so he doesn’t want to lose her. At least until she stops being fresh and exciting and then he’ll dispose of her like so much garbage. Right? Right?

Ana gets her hair cut. Considering the detail-itis this book suffers from, the scene is short. So short, in fact, that we jump from her meeting the stylist to standing in front of Grey with no indication that anything happened. She’s still mad. He tries to distract her with sex, but she itemizes why she’s mad, including the fact that Mrs. Robinson is allowed to touch him. That’s because she knows where the safe areas are. Ana isn’t under any rules, so she might try, well, anything, and that makes him nervous. Okay, but it’s fine to pull your woman’s braid like a caveman, without giving her fair warning?

She tries to reach out and he steps away. He would feel “devastated and deprived” if he couldn’t touch her. Bullshit. If that was a hard limit, you’d just leave, as you wouldn’t be able to just grab and maul anytime you wanted. He vaguely promises to one day tell her why, and his demeanor abruptly changes. “How can he switch so quickly?” Because he’s insane?

As for knowing her bank account number, he background-checks all his subs. Okay, but some of this is going too far. She realizes that Grey knew she worked at the hardware store. The reading audience knew that a long time ago; what’s creepier is that he’d already had her pegged as “his” when he visited her job. This is the stuff that serial killers are made of, and I keep hoping that this book series will turn that corner, but it doesn’t. On the one hand, that pisses me off, because that’s where it needs to go; on the other hand, I’m relieved because James would do a shitty job with it.

He needs to be careful, and anyone could get this information if they wanted. Also, this information is a form of control. Of course. Something to hold over a sub’s head is what you really mean. She’s still upset about the $24k, but he makes $100k an hour (just by being his smoldering self), so it’s a pittance, really – the car, books, clothing, that sort of thing. They’re just accessories for his newest brunette Barbie.

What if the situation were reversed? He cannot empathize. She gets so exasperated that she offers to cook. Food? YOU’RE suggesting food? What is this relationship coming to? She makes breakfast whilst he works on important business. She puts on music that she presumes is from one of his ex-subs, and wonders if all men are as clueless. Maybe so, but most of them aren’t creepy on top of it.

Grey comes in, tries to put the moves on her, but she’s still mad. The song she’s listening to was from Casperella; he never realized she might have been trying to tell him something. Then again, maybe he just didn’t care. He puts on “I Put a Spell on You” and tries to mack on Ana. “The whisk redundant in my hand.” What? Does he have another one? Oh, in his pants, I guess; that would be rather painful. She says no. But he keeps pressing, because all he ever wants is sex. He promises not to touch her until she says yes, but it’s obvious when you’re taunting her with the proximity of your Earl, that the wait won’t be too long.

She touches his face and says yes. See? You are too easy. He gets called away. She wonders why she can’t resist him. Because you haven’t any self-control. They eat. He won’t tell her what is going on. They talk briefly about his adopted family, but when Ana says his mother must be proud, he closes off and changes the subject to clothes. Which a personal shopper at Neiman Marcus selected. Also, he’s ordered a security detail over Leila (Casperella). And then he goes to brief them. Ana wonders if he’s schizophrenic.

Grey comes upon her looking up Multiple Personality Disorder. Oh, for yourself, right, and your inner goddess, and the other one? He’s in a playful mood, and they banter. He gives her a lipstick so they could map safe areas, like she suggested earlier. She sits on him and he guides her hands. It upsets her to see the scars on his chest and back. And then they fuck, fuckingly.



1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Five

  1. “This is the stuff that serial killers are made of, and I keep hoping that this book series will turn that corner, but it doesn’t.”

    I’m still hoping that this all ends with a police standoff and a lengthy prison term.

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