Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Four

Chapter Four. Grey rubs noses with her, pinning her arms down. He pleads for her not to leave again, then calls her “wench” and wants her to cook. He finds the balloon in her bed, probably thinking she does kinky things with it.

They eat and talk about Ana’s family. He wants to take care of her – creepy when he says it. She’s mad he bought the publishing company. Grey tells her not to tell anyone, as it’s not official. She asks if he’d buy the next company if she left, and he would. It must be nice to have all this money to screw around with.

He asks if he can stay over, and she assumed that he was. Banter. Sarcasm. He gets out the ice cream, and takes her to the bedroom with its “insipid light.” Were you going for “dim bulb” in the thesaurus? He ties her to her bed, then feeds her some ice cream. He says that he could always force-feed her, to ensure she eats. That sounds like something a cannibal might say, before he fattens you up for his Christmas feast. Are you going to cook and eat her, like that cop was planning to do with who knows how many women?

He dribbles ice cream on her body, making it “light up with longing.” I’m picturing her made of Lite-Brites. He spreads ice cream over her chest. This is just getting weird. Especially when he puts some in her belly button, and then over her clit. Um, no, you do not put anything like that near sensitive areas! Holy fucking cow, Instant Orgasm. Then he enters her, unties her, and sits her up, reminding her that she’s his, and he takes care of what’s his. Good, so you’ll pay for antibiotics when she gets a yeast infection from you dribbling sugary desserts over her girly bits?

Jeez, she thinks, I’m coming again! Not without the magic words. He says he’ll never leave, blah blah. He invites her to a summer party, she has nothing to wear, but there’s still all the clothes at his place.

Abruptly, she’s outside work, and sees Casperella again. But Casperella is her. They speak in Emily Dickinson references. (Beat you to it, Jamesy). This was a dream; thanks for the indicator. She tells Grey about Casperella; of course, he knows who she is – Leila. He is very upset by this, and wants to know what she said. Ana wonders if this ex-sub meant a lot to him, because he’s asking a lot of questions.

Grey makes a phone call, tells the person on the other end to “find her; she’s in trouble.” With you, you mean, right? Ana offers tea, but Grey wants bed, and not for sleep. For once, Ana puts her foot down and won’t be “sidetracked by sex.” You finally get it! It only took you how long? He’s annoyed, and won’t tell her what’s going on, because it shouldn’t concern her. Milquetoast says, quite rightly, that Casperella found HER, so now it IS her problem.

When Grey was stalking Ana at her mom’s place, Casperella went to Grey’s place and made a scene in front of Mrs. Jones, the housekeeper. He won’t elaborate until Ana presses. Casperella tried to slash her wrist. So Grey wants to find her to get her some help. This is why he abruptly left Georgia. Casperella was his sub years prior, wanted more, he didn’t, so she had to leave. She’s probably coming back because she’s seen Ana with Grey. She really had forgotten about Casperella. But he wants her to forget about his former sub and come back to bed. And then they fuck again. Of course.

She wakes up before he does and touches his chest, kissing one of the scars. He wakes up and pins her hands again. He asks if she wants to eat, or do it. If you think they’re going to eat first, you haven’t been paying attention to this book.

Ana asks about Grey’s workout routine; he offers his personal trainer, because of course he wants her back in the playroom again. She agrees to go. Then she says she needs to buy a car, but wait, Grey still has her Audi! This angers her. She tries to give back the check. They argue idiotically. She rips up the check, and he walks away from her. To call up a wire transfer for twenty-four thousand dollars directly into Ana’s bank account. How does he know her account number? Because he knows everything about her. He is SO FUCKING CREEPY.

They’re angry at each other, so of course, you know this means they’re going to do it. We’re saved from reading about it, however, as he’s out of condoms. So, he takes her out for breakfast. She pays; this bugs him. She wants a haircut. He takes her to a salon, and Ana is confused that the receptionist knows him and asks about “the usual.” He probably gets his hair cut here, you dolt! What did you think it was, a bordello? Then again . . . who knows with this guy? He has a finger in many pies.

He owns the salon, too, so she can get anything done, on the house. She’s going to get her haircut but, while she’s waiting, Grey sees something that discomfits him, a blonde woman. He hurries over to her and they talk, and Blondie smiles over to Ana. She thinks for a minute, and realizes she knows who the woman is. Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.

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1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Four

  1. “Good, so you’ll pay for antibiotics when she gets a yeast infection from you dribbling sugary desserts over her girly bits?”

    I think Ben & Jerry’s makes a flavor like that now.

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