Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Two.

Chapter Two. Christian pulls her into a restaurant and orders for them, which annoys her. And honestly, that would bug the hell outta me, too. Newsflash, Grey, it’s not 1957 anymore, and woman can actually order for themselves! He tells her it’s “childish” to make him jealous with José. Doesn’t she have any regard for José’s feelings? Yeah, right, as if you care; you were calling him “the boy” a few minutes ago, as if he weren’t worthy of a name, let alone feelings.

The wine list arrives and he is an asshole about it. He even snaps at the waiter. She doesn’t understand what his problem is. Really? You can’t guess? They talk about <u>feelings</u>. She can’t be what he wants. But she is. No, she isn’t. He admits that his behavior the last time was stupid, but so was hers, because she could have used the safe-word, and she didn’t.

Because she forgot. You FORGOT? How – then I remember, we’re dealing with a girl who has a brain the size of a dried pea. He’s furious, because he wonders if he can ever trust her. Well, she couldn’t really trust you, either, and she could say this, and turn it around on him, but all she does is apologize. And he misses her, and she said she’d never leave, but she did. Yeah, that was before you beat her with a belt like a father punishing his errant daughter. He wants to know if she still loves him; she does. He says “good.” Generally, people who ask that question usually reciprocate in kind . . . for example, coercing their love slaves to eat.

Which he does, and she’s like, “Um, what is this round thing with other, little things piled on top of it? What do I do with it?” He threatens to spank her if she doesn’t tuck in. So she picks up knife and fork and eats her steak. He wants to talk; he has a “proposition” for her, a different one, supposedly. He doesn’t want to lose her.

Grey and Ana get in the car. Taylor puts in earbuds and listens to his iPod while driving (which is really unsafe and probably illegal) so Grey can proposition Ana. He wants to know if she wants a relationship without “kinky fuckery,” but she likes that; it’s the canes and whips and belts that frighten her. And she doesn’t like the fact that he’ll punish her based on arbitrary rules. But . . . can he still hand-spank her? Apparently, yes, especially with the ben-wa balls.

So, then Grey suggests starting again, a “vanilla” relationship that slowly integrates kinkier elements. I totally fucking SAID that during the last book. Anyone with any sense would integrate a newbie this way, I would think. No punishments, no rules. Because he needs her, he’s willing to throw all of these items away. Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts. He wants her the way José sees her, untroubled, free of pain that he (Grey) inflicted. Aw, he wuvs her, she thinks.

Thus begins her babbling. About his non-dark soul, and the beating being a shock, and not knowing what he’s thinking. He is a rock, he is an island. And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries. I mean, he is bipolar and she can’t touch him, and she wants to show him that she loves him.

And just like that, they’re together again. But touching is still a “hard limit,” because one of his mother’s pimps abused him. And his mother neglected him. She killed herself, and it took four days for someone to find them. He’s unburdening too much, too quickly. I feel it’s a lie.

She is disappointed that she’s not going to his place, but she has work in the morning, and he isn’t going to touch her again unless she begs for it. But, then you’re not in control anymore, bub. This isn’t gonna last long. He gives her a gift, then gets annoyed that she’s having a drink with her boss. Then he leaves; “laters, baby.”

Inside the box is the laptop and Blackberry, as well as an iPad. It has their picture on there, books, and music. Aw, he made you a mixtape. Or something. This must mean he cares! And he’s going to try. We’re only seven percent done, folks, so we know it’s not THAT easy.

She emails him to thank him. Wouldn’t it be nicer to call? Either way, it’s all idiotic banter that we’re forced to read through. Ana finally stops emailing with Grey and listens to his mix as she falls asleep. Aw! Gag.

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1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Shades Dumber, Chapter Two.

  1. So this is the sequel, right? The one where the werewolf fights with the other guy for the girl? I think I saw a commercial for it.

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