Fifty Types of Dreck – or, that “book” series everyone loves for some reason – Chapter 16

Chapter 16. Ana comes back to Earth, and lays her hand on Grey’s chest. He takes her hand away. She asks why. “Because I’m fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia.” Title card, ladies and gentlemen, and it only took over half the book. He had a rough childhood, but doesn’t want to talk about it.

He’s been keeping count of her orgasms. She tells him about her dream, but shyly, like she doesn’t know he knows the effect he has on her. He asks when her period is due, because he hates condoms. She doesn’t have a doctor, so he will arrange to have his come to his place on Sunday. I wonder what sort of doctor makes house calls, but he’s rich, so I guess if you pay enough, a doctor will still come to you.

Grey got her “tipsy” on purpose, because otherwise she’ll never talk. He “endeavors” to be honest with her, but obviously, he’s hiding things. She wants him to stay, but he can’t, because suddenly the contract is a convenient excuse. He won’t do any scenes until she signs it. So, she could stretch this out, she muses, but I think he really wants to stretch her out, if you know what I mean. They banter and tease; he says if she doesn’t sign, he’ll kidnap her and “then we’re talking TPE 24/7.” (Total Power Exchange, where she has be sub for every aspect of her life). Yeah, because no one would come looking for her. Then again . . . So she has no choice, he says, and she rolls her eyes at him. He gets deadly serious and says he’s going to punish her, as promised, even though she hasn’t signed.

So, wait, he won’t stay for vanilla sex, because she hasn’t signed the contract. However, “punishment,” which is only itemized in said unsigned contract, is suddenly an acceptable way for him to stay. This isn’t crossing a line, not at all!

Her punishment is thus: “I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck you very quick and very hard.” She is turned on, but oh, my, she needs to think! Should she say yes or no? Should she stay or should she go now? If she goes, there will be trouble. But If she stays, it will be double . . . This indecision’s bugging ME, so come on, beeyotch. She crawls over, decision made. He throws her over his knee, pins her down, and chastises her, then pulls her pants down and spanks her, hard, warning her that if she doesn’t keep still, he’ll go for longer. He caresses her ass after each blow, which number eighteen, for those playing along at home. Then he flips her on the bed, and enters her from behind, causing more pain from this position. But she has an orgasm, anyway. Of course. He says, “Welcome to my world,” and she thinks that wasn’t so bad. “I have this safe, weird, bathed in afterglow, sated feeling.” What does this world salad even mean? It feels like a multiple-choice sentence. Grey rubs baby oil into her ass, then leaves, amazed that she didn’t cry.

Ana calls her mom and cries, and her mom gives her man advice, then tells her to come visit. Kate comes home and asks her what happened, telling her to finish with Grey, as she’s “been so up and down” since she met him. She sits gingerly, explaining that she fell on her ass, which Kate buys, because Ana is so very clumsy that we’ve only seen her fall twice in this book – unless she’s adding “mentally” to that equation. Ana thinks back to that time he told her she wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week had she been his, and realizes that she was fixated on the wrong half of that sentence. Ana deflects Kate by asking her about herself. Her brother might come to stay; Grey won’t like that one bit, we know already.

Grey emails her to give her compliments, orders her to take Advil and not to drive her old car again. “I will know.” Did he bug it or something? Ana says she will sell it; he tells her his assistant will take care of that for her. More annoying emails where Ana is annoying, and Grey threatens to spank her worse. She doesn’t like him at the moment, because he doesn’t stay. She’s so proud of her obnoxious twaddle! Does she think he isn’t going to come by? Does she learn ANYTHING?

Ana crawls into bed and reviews her day. Which makes her cry. For someone who never cries, there sure have been a lot of tears slipping down that face. Kate starts shouting, presumably at Grey, telling him he can’t come in. But he does anything, because he’s Christian Grey, and rich, and powerful, and plebeian boundaries are no match for him.

Kate wants to throw him out, but Ana says no. Ana wants to know why he’s here; because part of his role is to look after her, and she wanted him to stay. Yeah, and you didn’t. She asked you before, and you left. So, you think returning redeems that, you creeptastic fucker?

He gives her some Advil and wants her to talk. She didn’t like the spanking; you’re not supposed to, he says. He likes it for the control, and he’s wanted to since she asked if he was gay. In her mind, she blames Kate, “and if she’d gone to that interview and asked her gay question, she’d be sitting here with the sore ass.” That’s doubtful. Grey doesn’t like girls like Kate who know their own mind.

Ana thinks Grey’s trying to change her, but it’s about control, and when she disobeys, punishing her is a major turn-on. He can’t explain to her satisfaction; he’s never had to before. He uses the phrase “priapic monster” to describe what he’s sure Kate thinks of him – he’s a penis monster? Is that his secret and why Ana can’t touch his chest? Anyway, he stays because she wants him to; she’s “bewitched” him. He sleeps with her, but she has to face away from him. Even in her own bed, she isn’t mistress.

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1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Types of Dreck – or, that “book” series everyone loves for some reason – Chapter 16

  1. Matthew Green

    “Because I’m fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia.”

    Ah! He said it!

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