Phillips strikes again! (Halloween and Satanism, Part Five)

(Yes, Halloween is dead and buried for the year, but this book really only has a tangential connection to Halloween, so I’ve decided to stick it out and finish it). Chapter Six – Satan is Alive and Well. Yes, and he wrote this book! This chapter concerns itself with types of witchcraft, and didn’t he cover this already? Witches carried cooking pots and would make brews in the woods! Look, here’s a recipe from Macbeth. Shakespeare is historical fact now – you learned it here first.

Witches have familiars, or companions, traditionally the black cat, but blackbirds, crows, toads and frogs were also possibilities. “As late as the 19th century, cases are recorded, in Russia, that peasant women were ordered by their masters to nurse bear cubs that were being reared for sport.” Wha? I can’t find anything on this at all, and he references no sources.

This book confuses the hell out of me, because I am not sure what he’s really going for here. He writes all this history about witches, but is he informing the populace that this is stuff to watch out for in the present? What is the purpose of speaking of Isabel Gowdie, for example? He also mentions Anne-Marie de Georgel, a Frenchwoman who confessed (under torture) that she had had sex with the devil. This apparently was a forgery, but again, does that matter to Phillips? Hell naw.

Italian witchcraft is in two forms, fortune-telling and potion-making. Both are evil. Swedish witchcraft is how Ikea manages to squeeze a buncha furniture in those makeshift 987 square-foot houses. Bork bork bork! Or something.

To be ignorant of Satan’s devices is death! And by “devices,” he means gigantic wang.

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1 Comment

Filed under holidays, religious nuttery

One response to “Phillips strikes again! (Halloween and Satanism, Part Five)

  1. Phillips really is losing his mind as we go along, isn’t he?

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