Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Five

Chapter Five. Ana is worried and has bad dreams. Then Grey lets her drive the jet ski, and suddenly, she’s fine again. Dumbass Ana goes too close to the airport, gets startled by a jet and gets thrown off the jet ski. This is so idiotic and pointless and adds nothing to the story, especially as no one was hurt (although I was hoping).

They arrive back at Castle Greyskull – ahem, I mean, their home in Seattle – and have sex. When she awakes, she goes on and on, again, about how gorgeously sexy he is. Like we haven’t grasped that already. And that’s the only thing she can rave about, because that’s the only connection they have. And it will be weird not seeing him, like, every minute of the day and junk. And who would want to harm him? And why is he so tight-lipped? He wakes up and she says she can’t sleep, and it is inferred that they bone. Aren’t you people chapped or something by this point?

They go to the Grey family estate for a luncheon. Ana is a moody asshole, full of highs and lows. Grey banters with her about spanking her in the boathouse; this, surprisingly, is not a euphemism. Then Christian starts singing as he plays the piano – which, apparently, he’s never done. And then he lets her drive his car, but doesn’t seem too happy about it. In addition, they’re being followed. Oh noes! This is supposed to be suspenseful, but it’s really not. Ana speeds over highways and through intersections to evade the car with tinted windows. They pull the car into a parking lot to hide, and Ana starts crying from all the excitement, and Grey pulls her into his lap from the driver’s seat to comfort her. Which leads to them doing it in the car.

When they’re done, Grey gets back in touch with security and finds that the driver of the car is apparently female. Grey drives them back home, and they banter about fucking ON the car. Thankfully, the security detail returns at that moment, sparing us. Oh, wait, it’s some new guy, Noah Logan. A new neighbor with a ridiculous name. Grey is jealous and possessive – how dare you be polite to the new neighbor, Ana! Ridic Neighbor leaves, and Ana rolls her eyes at Grey, which leads to her request to be punished. I wish their sex organs would fall off now.

1 Comment

Filed under romance novel

One response to “Fifty Shades Fucking Ridiculous, Chapter Five

  1. Jasmine S.

    How many times do they do it in a day?!

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