Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Nine

Chapter IX – Diseases that Result from Sexual Excess and Masturbation. It appears that the good doctor is repeating himself, but no, here we have new disorders. The first is cerebral anemia, which appears to be a sort of slow-leaking brain aneurysm. This occurs because a person is, what else, masturbating too much; it is more likely to occur when the digestion is out of order from gas pains.

What happens when you have cerebral anemia? Vertigo. Dim vision. Fainting “fits” leading to possible insensibility. Some say they have a “lost feeling,” where they feel partially unconscious. He cites another doctor named Jones, who natters on for a very long paragraph about how important this all is. They believed cerebral anemia was caused by deficient blood and that’s why people suffering from this event did not benefit from tonics.

Cerebral anemia can lead to chronic brain softening. This becomes a definite “yes” when the person has been playing with himself. Even though he says that he has not found a case where the cause of brain softening/cerebral anemia was directly masturbation, he claims to have enough cases to tell him that it is direct. Brain softening is a result of malnutrition, not from food, but nerve sources. Whaling on your dork takes a lot of nerve energy, leaving them enervated; an excessive waste of force in your body! Tut-tut.

One of the first symptoms of brain softening is memory failure. Now, Dr. H. does attribute failing memory to other things, such as worry, overtaxed brain, and dyspepsia. He cautions medical students not to automatically assume, unless there are other symptoms to go on. Brain softening is curable if found in its early stages. He claims to present the cure later on. I await it with a snicker.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Eight

Chapter VIII – Diseases of the Genitals Associated with Spermatorrhea and Impotence. In this chapter, we begin with phimosis, which is when the prepuce, or foreskin of the penis, will not retract. Now, not being a dude, I had no idea that that’s pretty common until puberty in a number of males. Anyway, it usually doesn’t cause pain, modern doctors say, unless you get an infection from not being able to clean that portion of your penis properly.

Dr. Howe says that the discharge begins and is almost cheeselike, but overtimes becomes dry and hard, which causes males, especially children, to do strange things such as masturbate. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be that they were looking for relief so they kept moving the skin the best way they could? Nah, it’s because they are sinful creatures! Anyway, if it keeps up it makes intercourse hurt and makes the man temporarily impotent. It also sometimes gives men symptoms that affect other areas of the body.

And now, a story, because Dr. H always has plenty of stories. A patient of his, a clergyman, who of course had “good habits” and the like, was having issues with his throat. It took many a minute in the pulpit afore his voice could be heard expounding on the wrath of God and what have you. Everything that had been tried had failed. And for years, the head of his penis ailed him every time he attempted to make it with his wife. So, of course, he stopped trying and was having constant nocturnal emissions, the same old story. When he was examined by the good doctor, he found that the prepuce could not be pushed back. So he circumcised him, putting the patient under an anesthetic, wonder of wonders! In modern, gross slangy terminology, it appears the smegma had accumulated under his foreskin and hardened, so it had to be scraped off. And then the entire portion was dressed with a cloth covered in olive oil! And surprise, surprise, when the clergyman returned to the pulpit his voice was no longer affected. You see, boys and girls? This is why all body parts need careful cleaning and attention!

Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Seven

Chapter VII – Diseases of the Genitals that Arise from Masturbation and Sexual Excess. One of these diseases is variocele. This is when the veins in the testicles get twisted up somehow. This disorder persists into our modern world and I don’t see what the actual cause is; it just appears to happen in a certain percent of the population, some of whom never have any issues with it. Of course, Dr. Howe knows what it is – masturbation, for the men who present with this have many nocturnal emissions in a week. However, he then brings up the case of a medical student of his acquaintance who had this issue, and he certainly was not the type to give himself up to this vice. So he made him the equivalent of a jockstrap and it worked. Dr. H then proceeds to judge everyone else; the blood vessels become continually dilated from constantly masturbating, and it’s no wonder that eventually it shows!

The first thing to do to treat this is to make the patient stop masturbating; only then can the healing begin. One of the biggest symptoms is constipation, so that should be remedied with BELLADONNA. If that’s too severe, cold water injections should help (I’m assuming he’s politely referring to enemas). Also, be sure to briskly rub the abdomen, as that promotes healthy action of the bowels. Uh oh, sometimes that’s a good, comforting feeling – is that solitary vice, too, doc?

Then he starts to make some sense, with the suspension bandage to elevate the scrotum, and at night to put a cool compress on it to alleviate chafing. Let’s get back to the loony.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Six

Chapter VI – Diseases which result from Excess and Masturbation. The evils of chronic masturbators shall be visited upon their children. Why? Masturbating affects your sperm, making it weaker and therefore giving rise to a weaker generation. The child’s vitality is impaired before it leaves the womb. This is the cause of rickets, for the doctor has never seen a child with that affliction who did not have a parent who had been/is a chronic masturbator. Other signs of children weakened by the solitary vice of their parents: bad digestion, peevish children who worry lots, and are generally thin, puny, and weak.

Many tubercular children are that way because of the secret sins of their father. He does not include the mother in this, as her role in this is not as easy to detect, and you can’t ask a woman if she plays with herself. The only way to tell is if you can examine her secret parts without arousing her suspicions. The doctor knows for a fact, however, that tuberculosis in children is caused by their parents masturbating, and in teenagers and adults, it is caused by their own masturbatory habits. You know, doctor, you seem to know an awful lot about masturbation! Methinks you sit in your office and pull your pud after work. Of course, tuberculosis has as its main cause a really bad cold that develops into much worse, and that cold was probably caused by poor nutrition, which causes exhaustion and therefore makes one liable to catch cold. However, how would one get that exhausted? SOLITARY VICE!

He disagrees with those who say that excessive sexual enjoyments follow tuberculosis diagnosis. Dr. H says that they were there prior to the disease, and were its root cause. He then relates a sad story of a patient who was diagnosed with TB at thirty, and even though it was a very bad case, she did not stop indulging herself in sexual pleasures. Even a day or two before her death, when she was unable to speak or even move, she importuned her husband to have sex with her one last time. The doctor seems to find this distasteful, but seriously, folks, if you knew you were going to die, and soon, wouldn’t you want to enjoy yourself for the short time you had? I hate this prudish bastard.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Five

Chapter V – Results of Sexual Excess and Mental Emotions. While sex in excess is bad, it is not as bad as masturbation, for sex is natural, and masturbation is not. This is when I start to think of a drinking game for this book. Every time the word “masturbation” or “onanism” is used, take a drink. You’ll be sloshed in no time! Even if the man expends his sexual energy in intercourse several times a week, ill effects will not be felt, for this is a natural and healthy thing to do, and the man will feel satisfied by his sexual congress, whereas the same amount of energy expended in masturbation is deleterious, for the act itself is degrading, and insulting to manhood. The masturbator knows this, and therefore, participates in the ill effects visited upon his person and his penis. Of course, if sex is making you feel like this, then you must stop doing it so much, for it clearly is too much for your person.

Apparently, in Acton’s view (that guy would thought all the boys at school are vastly immoral), conception can’t take place during the first few months of marriage, as the couple will be having sex more frequently, thereby lessening their chances. Some men have epileptic seizures at the point of orgasm; so does the rabbit. Napoleon I, also, suffered from a seizure every time he participated in sexual intercourse. This can result in death, and indeed, there are many cases of men who have died after copulation. Acton then cites a third guy, named Burmeister, about termites (!): after the hot season, the male and female termites come together and indulge in sexual congress; afterwards, the male immediately dies, but the female is impregnated with thousands of eggs.

Now, back to the good doctor.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Four

Chapter IV – Spermatorrhoea and Impotence. What is spermatorrhoea? Essentially, excessive ejaculation. Dr. Howe presents medical claims that back up this constant semen leakage as actual fact. Apparently, it was believed to help cause tuberculosis. Of course, modern science would tell you that nocturnal emissions, no matter how many you have, are normal, but back then, too much seminal fluid loss would prove positively enervating. Spermatorrhoea was also believed to cause derangement, and could be passed from the father to his children. What causes spermatorrhoea and impotence? You guessed it – masturbation. Also, sexual excess, “mental emotion,” nerve diseases, drugs, and diseases of the rectum, urethra, penis, or testicles.

“Masturbation is a universal vice in civilized countries.” Regardless of its status, many people of both sexes begin to indulge in early childhood. Among the savages, it’s rare, for they live amongst nature, and therefore are just like the animals, and can just fuck like bunnies, having no need for onanism. However, some animals have been found masturbating, such as dogs, cats, monkeys, and rats. However, this must be rare, as they have immense sexual outlet among their species. Obviously, a depraved human being must have taught these animals the Solitary Vice.

Children begin this filthy habit at a very early age. Supposedly, some have said they have noticed babies at the breast masturbating; these allegations must be taken with a grain of salt, as such strange movements were probably due to worms or some irritation of tender bits. However, Dr. H knows as a FACT that nurses will sometimes excite infant’s genital regions in order to keep them quiet. “Thus the seeds of a loathsome disease are often sown.” Yeah, on the part of the NURSE, not the child. As the child gets older, he or she remembers the pleasure of those infantile moments, and thus commences his or her own recreation of the events leading to that pleasure. From age 8 to age 16 is probably the time when they indulge most. At 16 or a little later, they are likely to be “scared straight,” by either reading something regarding its evils (such as his book, perhaps?), or friends will warn him or her, or perhaps the spectre of their own decay will cause them to cease.

Who is to blame for teaching the children? The aforementioned nurses, or their own peers. Parents must examine their children’s naughty bits from time to time, to ensure that they are not being manhandled. Boys will have their foreskins loosened, and girls will have really red labia. Something must be done about these horrid nurses, who encourage little children to play with themselves.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation, and Continence by William Howe – Chapter Three

Chapter III – The Seminal Fluid and the Mechanism of Erection. Exactly that is discussed. Nocturnal emissions are normal, to a point. If you’re having them more than once a week, that means the organ is too relaxed, presumably because you masturbate or have sex too much. He allows that women also can have these sorts of “wet dreams;” however, unless it’s during sex, any orgasmic event a woman has is unhealthy.

Sometimes, men are secreting other fluids that they are led to believe are seminal fluid. Why does this happen? The magic word: masturbation. If mucus is coming from the urethra, it means you’ve been having too much sex under the influence of alcohol.

From here, the doctor moves on to the nerve centers of the body that control the erections. He talks at length about the cerebellum, and what happens when it’s removed. If there are tumors or blood clots in it, it causes nymphomania. The size of the cerebellum does not correlate with the size of one’s sexual appetite, however.

To conclude the chapter, he compares blushing to erection. A rush of blood to the “head,” indeed.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation and Continece by William Howe – Chapter Two

Chapter II – The Genital Apparatus. Now we must examine the organs to which these vices pertain, so that we may study them first in their normal state, before morbid changes occur due to “unnatural” behavior. He lists the various genital components for males and females, and how they are all connected.

First, the males. In the midst of describing the organs and their functions, he makes sure to provide details of the consequences of jacking it. Do it too much, and the head of the penis becomes less sensitive, and your foreskin will fall backward and get wrinkly. (Of course, he presumes that every male is uncircumcised; Jews don’t count). Also, the veins of the penis become enlarged, and the skin yellows and wrinkles. Your prostate gland will also be affected; if the doctor can press on it and get fluid to come out, you will be marked as a chronic case. Your testicles will become soft and flabby, hardly what one could consider “healthy.”

Women do not escape Dr. H’s wrath, either. Here we have the first mention of women using household objects for masturbatory use, as well as objects made specifically for such an activity. Of course, he does not condone any of that. In women, the reasons for not masturbating are also extensive: the clitoris will become less sensitive, or even hypersensitive, and it will become elongated and hang down over the front of the vulva. The inner lips will hang out over the outer lips; he claims to have seen a hospital case wherein the labial lips resembled a spaniel’s ears! And if one is a virgin, the hymen will not close as tightly as it does in “healthy” women who don’t dare to indulge in such sinful self-pleasure.

Excessive Venery, Masturbation and Continence, by William Howe – Chapter One

The full title of this next book is Excessive Venery, Masturbation and Continence: the etiology, pathology, and treatment of the diseases resulting from venereal excesses, masturbation and continence. Gee, do you think this book is going to deal with venery in excess, not to mention masturbation and continence? The author is one Joseph W. Howe, M.D., and a brief bio follows. He is author of three other books, namely “Emergencies,” “The Breath,” and “Winter Homes for Invalids.” Um, okay. In addition, he is a professor of surgery, a practicing surgeon, and so on, so I suppose he feels he’s qualified to talk about sexual matters. This book was published in 1887, so he came before Mary Wood-Allen and her slew of books. Also, for the curious, this book’s price is listed as $2.75.

The preface (note there are no commendations in this one from others, as he’s a man, and a doctor, so he’s automatically taken seriously) tells the reader that this book was originally formulated as a series of lectures, as well as the good doctor’s own personal experiences. This book was meant for a medical student, I presume. This might be a serious undertaking, folks. Lots of medical words!
Chapter I – General Considerations. No one is teaching young people about sexual matters, and this is a problem. The health and happiness of the human race depends on teaching such things prior to puberty. Physicians are the only professional people who can SEE the importance of such a matter, especially teaching against the “ignorant assaults on the genital organs.” Very few can see the difference between the false side of life, or the real suffering due to bad habits, and while a little advice from a well-meaning parent, or a teacher, can be all the help one needs to avoid such situations, the doctor is the BEST suited for this task, solely because he’s a doctor. Already this guy is a prick.

The Up-to-Date Waitress, by Janet McKenzie Hill

[If you are new to visiting this blog, and have no idea what it's all about, this post will probably help you].

Deciding to take a break from the sex-ed craziness for a day or so, I read through one of the cookery books I have found, thanks to Google Book Search.

The Up-to-Date Waitress, while not as mockworthy as some other publications, still has a few choice bits. The book, which I originally thought meant “restaurant waitress,” really means “the excessive chores of a servant and maid from 1906.” This book has EVERYTHING, and is a quite interesting piece on how female servants had to perform their duties. Every step must be measured, uniform pristine, and above all, one must never, ever confuse Russian breakfast service with that of English! (I read through both painstaking descriptions and I don’t see much of a difference, frankly, but I just throw plates and cutlery down in a slapdash fashion, so what do I know? [After a link on foodreference dot com, I figured out in thirty seconds what the author of this book failed to impart after twenty five pages: Russian service consists of each course being served individually, while English service is wherein several dishes (or all, depending upon the number of courses) are served at the same time and guests help themselves to portions.]

 

 

 

I just want to know, did people really care that a waitress was standing upon your left side to serve the potatoes, rather than the right side? It seems rather silly, but then again, we are far removed from such times now.

 

A “helpful” tip from the salad section: “a ‘pianissimo touch’ of onion is a grateful addition to most salads.”

 

 

Cold potatoes in oily dressing are not palatable or hygienic. I’ll give her the first, but what’s unhygienic about them? One must needs give it a touch of onion, and garlic, perhaps, but this last is very crude, and must be used in moderation, such as merely rubbing the bowl with it. Remember, only dirty dagos eat the garlic whole (and they smell like it, too)! Why, just the other day, Marsha, I saw that ragpicker on the street, Gee Oh Vanee, and oh, goodness me, it smelled as if he were marinating in it. I wish something would be done about . . . those people.

 

Remember, kids: if you want to make a salad, and you don’t have a good mental picture of what that salad might look like, well, then, it’s bound to be disappointing. Inspiration is the devil’s handmaiden. How do you know when a potato salad is properly dressed? When your patience is exhausted, you’ve reached the breaking point and wish for the sweet release of death. Then, and only then, is your salad ready.